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Ying-Ying St. Cir
For all these years I kept uth closed so selfish desires would not fall out. And because I reined quiet for so long now daughter does not hear . She sits by her fancy swiing pool and hears only her Sony Walkn, herdless phone, her big, iortant husband asking her why they hae chal and no lighter fluid.
All these years I kept true nature hidden, running along like a sll shadow so noboduld catch . And because I ed so secretly now daughter does not see . She sees a list of things to buy, her checkbook out of bance, her ashtray sitting crooked on a straig;ar?;/arht table.
And I want to tell her this: We are lost, she and I, unseen and not seeing, unheard and not hearing, unknown by others.
I did not lose self all at once. I rubbed out face oer the years washing away  ain, the sa way gs on stone are worn down by water.
Yet today I reer a ti when I ran and shouted, when uld not stand still. It is earliest lle: telling the Moon Lady secret wish. And because I fot what I wished for, that ry reined hidden fro all these ny years.
But now I reer the wish, and I recall the details of that entire day, as clearly as I see daughter and the foolishness of her life.
In 1918, the year that I was four, the Mooial arried during an autu in Wushi that was unusually hot, terribly hot. When I awoke that the fifteenth day of the eighth on, the straw t bsp; bed was already sticky. Eerything in the roo;rk;/rkslled of wet grass siering in the heat.
Earlier in the suer, the serants haered all the windows with baoo curtains to drie out the sun. Eery bed waered with a woen t, our only bedding during the nths of sta heat. And the hot bricks of thurtyard were crisscrossed with baoo paths. Autu had e, but without its s and eenings. And so the stale heat still reined in the shadows behind the curtains, heating up the acrid slls of chaer pot, seeping into  illow, chafing the bay ned puffing up cheeks, so that I awoke that with a restless pint.
There was another sll, outside, sothing burning, a pu fragrahat was half sweet and half bitter. quot;Whats that stinky sll?quot; I asked ah, who always o appear o bed the instant I was awake. She slept on t in a little rooo ne.
quot;It is the sa as I epined yesterday,quot; she said, lifti of bed aing on her knee. And sleepy nd tried to reer what she had told upon waking the before.
quot;We are burning the Fie Eils,quot; I said drowsily, then squird out of her . I clied on top of a little stool and looked out the window into thurtyard below. I saw a greeil curled in the shape of a snake, with a tail that billowed yellow ske. The other day, Ah had showhat the snake had e out of lorful bo rated with fie eil creatures: a swiing snake, a juingrpion, a flyiipede, a dropping-down spider, and a springing lizard. The bite of any one of these creatureuld kill a child, epined Ah. So I was relieed to think we had caught the Fie Eils and were burning theirpses. I didnt know the greeil was rely inse used to chase away squitoes and sll flies.
That day, instead of dressing in a lightton jacket and loose trousers, Ah brought out a heay yellow silk jacket and skirt outlined with bck bands.
quot;No ti to py today,quot; said Ah, opening the lined jacket. quot;Your ther has de you iger clothes for the Mooial….quot; She lifted into the pants. quot;Very iortant day, and now you are a big girl, so you go to the y.quot;
quot;What is a y?quot; I asked as Ah slipped the jacket oer ton undergarnts.
quot;It is a proper way to behae. You do this and that, so the gods do not punish you,quot; said Ah as she fastened frog csps.
quot;What kind of punishnt?quot; I asked boldly.
quot;Too ny questions!quot; cried Ah. quot;You do not o uand. Just behae, follow your thers eale. Light the inse, ke an to the on, bow your head. Do not sha , Ying-ying.quot;
I bowed head with a pout. I noticed the bck bands on sleees, the tiny eroidered peonies growing frocurlicues of gold thread. I reered watg ther pushing a siler needle in and out, gently nudging flowers and leaes and io blooon the cloth.
And then I heard oices in thurtyard. Standing on stool, I straio find the Sobody ining about the heat: quot;…feel ar stead soft clear to the bone.quot; Maies frothe north had arried for the Mooial and were staying for the week.
Ah tried to pull a wide b through hair and I preteo tule off the stool as soon as she reached a knot.
quot;Stand still, Ying-ying!quot; she cried, her usual nt, while I giggled and wobbled oool. And then she yahe full length of hair like the reins of a horse and before uld fall off the stool again, she quickly twisted hair into a single braid off to the side, weaing into it fie strands olorful silk. She wound braid into a tight ball, then arranged and she loose silk strands until they fell into a assel.
She spun around to i her handiwork. I was roasting in the lined silk jacket and pants obiously de with oler day in nd. My scalp was burning with the pain of Ahs attentions. What kind of dauld be worth so ch suffering?
quot;Pretty,quot; pronounced Ah, een though I wore awl on face.
quot;Who is ing today?quot; I asked.
quot;Dajyaquot;—All the faly—she said happily. quot;We are all going to Tai Lake. The faly has rented a boat with a faus chef. And tonight at the y you will see the Moon Lady.quot;
quot;The Moon Lady! The Moon Lady!quot; I said, juing up and down with great delight. And then, after I ceased to be azed with the pleasant sounds of oice saying new words, I tugged Ahs sleee and asked: quot;Who is the Moon Lady?quot;
quot;g-o. She lies on the on and today is the only day you see her and hae a secret wish fulfilled.quot;
quot;What is a secret wish?quot;
quot;It is what you want but ot ask,quot; said Ah.
quot;Why t I ask?quot;
quot;This is because…because if you ask it…it is no longer a wish but a selfish desire,quot; said Ah. quot;Haent I taught you—that it is wrong to think of your own needs? A girl eer ask, only listen.quot;
quot;Then how will the Moon Lady know wish?quot;
quot;Ai! You ask too ch already! You ask her because she is not an ordinary person.quot;
Satisfied at st, I iediately said: quot;Then I will tell her I dont want to wear these clothes anyre.quot;
quot;Ah! Did I not just epin?quot; said Ah. quot;Now that you hae ntiohis to , it is not a secret wish anyre.quot;
During the al nobody seed in a hurry to go to the ke; this person and that always eating ohing. And after breakfast eerybody kept talking about things of little sequence. I grew re worried and unhappy by the nute.
quot;…Autu on war. O! Geese shadows return.quot; Baba was reg a long poehe had deciphered froa stone inscriptions.
quot;The third word in the line,quot; epined Baba, quot;was worn off the sb, its aning washed away by turies of rain, alst lost to posterity foreer.quot;
quot;Ah, but fortunately,quot; said uncle, his eyes twinkling, quot;you are a dedicated schor of a history and literature. You were able to sole it, I think.quot;
My father responded with the line: quot;Mist flowers radiant. O!…quot;
Ma was telling aunt and the old dies how to arious herbs and is to produce a bal quot;This you rub here, betweewo spots. Rub it igorously until your skis and the aess is burned out.quot;
quot;Ai! But how I rub a swollen foot?quot; he old dy. quot;Both inside and outside hae a sour painful feeling. Too teo een touch!quot;
quot;It is the heat,quot; pined another old auntie. quot;oking all your flesh dry and brittle.quot;
quot;And burning your eyes!quot; ebsp; great-aunt.
I sighed oer and aii they started a opic. Ah finally notibsp; and gae a oncake in the shape of a rabbit. She said uld sit in thurtyard a it with two little half-sisters, wo and hree.
It is easy tet about a boat when you hae a rabbit oncake in your hand. The three of us walked quickly out of the roo and as soon as we passed through the ohat led to the iyard, we tuled and shrieked, running to see whuld get to the stone bench first. I was the biggest, so I sat in the shady part, where the stone sb was y half-sisters sat in the sun. I broke off a rabbit ear for each of the The ears were just dough, no sweet filling yolk inside, but half-sisters were too little to know aer.
quot;Sister likes better,quot; said wo to hree.
quot;Me better,quot; said hree to wo.
quot;Dorouble,quot; I said to theboth. I ate the rabbits body, rolling tongue oer lips to lick off the sticky bean paste.
We picked crus off one another, and after we finished our treat it grew quiet and once again I beca restless. Suddenly I saw a dragonfly with a rge body and transparent wings. I leapt off the bend ran to chase it, and half-sisters followed , juing and thrusting their hands upward as it flew away.
quot;Ying-ying!quot; I heard Ah call, and wo and hree ran off. Ah was standing in thurtyard and ther and the other dies were now ing through the ongate. Ah rushed oer a down to soth yellow jacket. quot;Syin yifu! Yidafad;quot;—Your new clothes! Eerything, all oer the pce!—she cried in a show of distress.
My ther sled and walked oer to . She sothed so of wayward hairs ba pd tucked theinto led braid. quot;A boy run and chase dragonflies, because that is his nature,quot; she said. quot;But a girl should stand still. If you are still for a ery long ti, a dragonfly will no longer see you. Then it will e to you and hide in the fort of your shado;quot; The old dies clucked in agreent and then they all left in the ddle of the hourtyard.
Standing perfectly still like that, I dered shadow. At first it was just a dark spot on the baoo ts thaered thurtyard bricks. It had short legs and long ar, a dariled braid just like ne. When I shook head, it shook its head. We fpped our ar. We raised one leg. I turo walk away and it followed . I turned back around quickly and it faced . I lifted the baoo t to see if uld peel off shadow, but it was uhe t, on the brick. I shrieked with delight at shadows own cleerness. I ran to the shade uhe tree, watg shadow chase . It disappeared. I loed shadow, this dark side of that had sa restless nature.
And then I heard Ah calling again. quot;Ying-ying! It is ti. Are you ready to go to the ke?quot; I nodded head and began to run toward her, self running ahead. quot;Slowly, go slowly,quot; adnished Ah.
Our entire faly was already standing outside, chattiedly. Eerybody was dressed i iortant-looking clothes. Baba was in a new brown-, which while pin was of an obiously fine-quality silk weae and worknship. Ma had on a jacket and skirt witlors that were the reerse of ne: bck silk with yellow bands. My half-sisters wore roslored tunid so did their thers, fathers es. My older brother had on a blue jacket eroidered with shapes reseling Buddha scepters for long life. Een the old dies had put on their best clothes to celebrate: Mas aunt, Babas ther and heusin, and Great-uncles fat wife, who still plucked her forehead bald and always walked as if she were crossing a slippery strea two tiny steps and then a scared look.
The serants had already packed and loaded a rickshaw with the days basic proisions: a woen haer filled with zong zi—the sticky rice ed in lotus leaes, so filled with roasted ha so with sweet lotus seeds; a sll stoe for boiling water for hot te another haer taining cups and bowls and chopsticks; tton sack of apples, pogranates, and pears; sweaty earthen jars of presered ats aables; stacks of red boes lined with four oncakes each; and ourse, sleeping ts for our afternoon nap.
Then eerybody clied into rickshaws, the younger children sittio their ahs. At the st nt, before we all set off, I wriggled out of Ahs grasp and jued out of the rickshaw. I clied into the rickshaw with ther in it, which displeased Ah, because this resutuous behaior on  art and also because Ah loed better than her own. She had gien up her own child, a baby son, when her husband had died and she had e to our house to be nurseid. But I was ery spoiled because of her; she had aught to think about her feelings. So I thought of Ah only as soone for fort, the way you ght think of a fan in the suer or a heater in the winter, a blessing you appreciate and loe only when it is no lohere.
When we arried at the ke, I was disappoio feel noling breezes. Our rickshaw pullers were soaked with sweat and their uths were open and panting like horses. At the dock, I watched as the old dies aarted g aboard a rge boat our faly had rehe boat looked like a floating teahouse, with an open-air pailier than the one in ouurtyard. It had ny red ns and a peaked tile roof, and behind that what looked like a garden house with round windows.
When it was our turn, Ah grasped hand tightly and we bounced across the pnk. But as soon as feet touched the deck, I sprang free and, together with wo and hree, I pushed ast peoples legs enclosed in billows of dark and bright silk clothes—trying to see who would be the first to run the length of the boat.
I loed the unsteady feeling of alst falling one way then another. Red nterns hanging frothe roof and railings swayed, as if pushed by a breeze. My half-sisters and I ran our fingers oer benches and sll tables in the pailioraced our fingers oer the patterns of the oral wood railings and poked our faces through openings to see the water below. And then there were re things to find!
I opened a heay door leading into the garden house and ran past a roothat looked like a rge sitting area. My sisters followed behind ughing. Through another door, I saw people in a kit. A n holding a big cleaer turned and saw us, then called to us, as we shyly sled and backed away.
At the rear of the boat oor-looking people: a n feeding sticks into a tall ey stoe, a won choppiables, and twh-looking boys squatting close to the edge of the boat, holding what looked to be a piece of string attached to a wire-sh cage lying just below the surface of the water. They gae us not een a gnce.
We returo the front of the boat, just in ti to see the dog away frous. Ma and the other dies were already seated on benches around the pailion, fanning theeles furiously and spping the sides of each others heads when squitoes lighted. Baba and Uncle were leaning oer a rail, talking in deep, serious oices. My brother and so of his bousins had found a long baoo stid were poking the water as if theuld ke the boat go faster. The serants were seated in a cluster at the front, heating water for tea, shelling roasted gingko nuts, aying out haers of food for a noonday al old dishes.
Een though Tai Lake is one of the rgest in all of a, that day it seed crowded with boats: rowboats, pedal boats, sailboats, fishing boats, and floating pailions like ours. So we often passed other people leaning out to trail their hands in thol water, so drifting by asleep beh a cloth opy or oiated urel.
Suddenly I heard people g, quot;Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!quot; and I thought, At st, the day has begun! I raced to the pailion and found aunts and uncles ughing as they used chopsticks to pick up dang shri, still squirng in their shells, their tiny legs bristling. So this was what the sh cage beh the water had tained, freshwater shri, whibsp; father was now dipping into a spicy bean-curd saud popping into his uth with two bites and a swallow.
But the et soon waned, and the afternooo pass like any other at ho. The sa listlessness after the al. A little drowsy gossip with hot tea. Ah tellio lie down on t. The quiet as eeryone slept through the hottest part of the day.
I sat up and saw Ah was still asleep, lying askew on her sleeping t. I wao the back of the boat. The rough-looking boys were reing a rge, squawking long-necked bird froa baoo cage. The bird had a tal ring around its neck. One boy held onto the bird, ing his ar around the birds wings. The other tied a thick rope to a loop oal neck ring. Then they released the bird and it swooped with a flurry of white wings, hoered oer the edge of the boat, then sat on top of the shiny water. I walked oer to the edge and looked at the bird. He looked back at warily with one eye. Then the bird doe uhe water and disappeared.
One of the boys threw a raft de of hollow reed flutes into the water and then doe in and erged on top of the raft. In a few seds, the bird alsed, its head struggling to hold onte fish. The bird jued onto the raft and then tried to swallow the fish, but ourse, with the ring around its neck, iuld not. Iion, the boy on the raft snatched the fish frothe birds uth and threw it to the other boy on the boat. I cpped hands and the bird doe under water again.
For the hour, while Ah and eerybody else slept, I watched like a hungry cat waiting its turn, as fish after fish appeared in the birds beak only to nd in a wooden pail on the boat. Then the boy ier cried to the other, quot;Enough!quot; and the boy on the boat shouted to soone high atop the part of the boat uld not see. And loud ks and hissing soued as once again the boat began to e. Then the boy o doe into the water. Both boys got on the raft and crouched in the ddle like two birds perched on a branch. I waed to the enying their carefree ways, and soon they were far away, a little yellow spot bobbing oer.
It would hae been enough to see this one adenture. But I stayed, as if caught in a good drea And sure enough, I turned around and a sullen won was now squatting in front of the bucket of fish. I watched as she took out a sharp, thin knife and began to slice open the fish bellies, pulling out the red slippery insides and throwing theoer her shoulder into the ke. I saw her scrape off the fish scales, which flew in the air like shards of gss. And then there were two chis that nled after their heads were chopped off. And a big snapping turtle that stretched out its o bite a stick, and—whuck!—off fell its head. And dark sses of thin freshwater eels, swiing furiously in a pot. Then the won carried eerything, without a word, into the kit. And there was nothing else to see.
It was not until then, too te, that I saw new clothes—and the spots of bloods, flecks of fish scales, bits of feather and d. What a strange nd I had! In  ani hearing waking oices toward the front of the boat, I quickly dipped hands in the bowl of turtles blood and sared this on sleees, and on the front of  ants and jacket. And this is what I truly thought: that uler these spots by painting all clothes red, and that if I stood perfectly still no one would notice this ge.
That is how Ah found : an apparitioered with blood. I still hear her oice, sg in terror, runnio see iey body were ssing, what leaky holes had appeared. And when she found nothing, after iing ears and nose and ting fingers, she called nas, using words I had neer heard before. But they sounded eil, the way she hurled and spat the words out. She yanked off jacket, pulled off  ants. She said I slled like quot;sothihisquot; and I looked like quot;sothihat.quot; Her oice was treling not so ch with anger as with fear. quot;Your ther, now she will be gd to wash her hands of you,quot; Ah said with great rerse. quot;She will banish us both to Kunng.quot; And then I was truly frightened, because I had heard that Kunng was so far away nobody eer ca to isit, and that it was a wild pce surrounded by a stone forest ruled by nkeys. Ah left g on the back of the boat, standing in whittton undergarnts and tiger slippers.
I had truly epected ther to e soon. I igined her seeing soiled clothes, the little flowers she had worked so hard to ke. I thought she would e to the back of the boat and se in her gentle way. But she did not e. Oh, once I heard so footsteps, but I saw only the fay half-sisters pressed to the door window. They looked at wide-eyed, poio , and then ughed and scaered off.
The water had turned a deep goldelor, and then red, purple, and finally bck. The sky had darkened aern lights started to glow all oer the ke. uld hear people talking and ughing, so oices frothe front of our boat, so froother boats o us. And then I heard the wooden kit door banging open and shut and the air filled with good rich slls. The oices frothe pailion cried in happy disbelief, quot;Ai! Look at this! And this!quot; I was hungry to be there.
I listeo their ba while dangling legs oer the back. And ahough it was night, it was bright outside. uld see refley legs, hands leaning on the edge, and face. And aboe head, I saw why it was sht. In the dark water, uld see the full on, a on so warand big it looked like the sun. And I turned around so uld find the Moon Lady and tell her secret wish. But right at that nt, eerybody else st hae seeoo. Because firecrackers eploded, and I fell into the water not een hearing own spsh.
I was surprised by thol fort of the water, so that at first I was nhtened. It was like ghtless sleep. And I epected Ah to e iediately and pibsp; up. But in the instant that I began to choke, I knew she would not e. I thrashed ar and legs uhe water. The sharp water had swuup nose, into throat and eyes, and this de thrash een harder. quot;Ah!quot; I tried to cry and I was so angry at her for abandoning , for king wait and suffer unnecessarily. And then a dark shape brushed by and I k was one of the Fie Eils, a swiing snake.
It ed around and squeezed body like a spohen tossed into the choking air—and I fell headlong into a rope filled with writhing fish. Water gushed out of throat, so that now I was choking and wailing.
When I turned head, I saw four shadows, with the on in back of the A dripping figure was g into the boat. quot;Is it too sll? Should we throw it back? Or is it worth so ney?quot; said the dripping n, panting. And the hed. I beca quiet. I knew who these people were. When Ah and I passed people like these ireets, she would put her hands oer eyes and ears.
quot;Stop no;quot;lded the won in the boat, quot;youe frightened her. She thinks were brigands whoing to sell her for a se.quot; And then she said in a gentle oice, quot;Where are you fro little sister?quot;
The dripping down and looked at . quot;Oh, a little girl. Not a fish!quot;
quot;Not a fish! Not a fish!quot; rred the others, chug.
I began to shier, too scared to cry. The air slled dangerous, the sharp odors of gunpowder and fish.
quot;Do not pay any attention to thequot; said the won. quot;Are you froanother fishing boat? Whie? Do not be afraid. Point.quot;
Out oer I saw rowboats and pedal boats and sailboats, and fishing boats like this one, with a long bow and sll house in the ddle. I looked hard, heart beating fast.
quot;There!quot; I said, and poio a floating pailion filled with ughing people and nterns. quot;There! There!quot; And I began to cry, desperate to reabsp; faly and be forted. The fishing boat glided swiftly oer, toward the goooking slls.
quot;E!quot; called the to the boat. quot;Hae you lost a little girl, a girl who fell ier?quot;
There were so shouts frothe floating pailion, and I straio see faah, Baba, Ma. People were crowded on one side of the pailion, leaning oer, pointing, looking into our boat. All strangers, ughing red faces, loud oices. Where was Ah? Why did ther not e? A little girl pushed her way through so legs.
quot;Thats not !quot; she cried. quot;Ihere. I didnt fall ier.quot; The people in the boat roared with ughter and turned away.
quot;Little sister, you were staken,quot; said the won as the fishing boat glided away. I said nothing. I began to shier again. I had seen nobody who cared that I was ssing. I looked out oer the water at the hundreds of dang nterns. Firecrackers were eploding and uld hear re people ughing. The farther we glided, the bigger the world beca. And I now fe I was lost foreer.
The won tio stare at . My braid was unfurled. My undergarnts were wet and gray. I had lost slippers and was barefoot.
quot;What shall we do?quot; said one of the n quietly. quot;Nobody to ciher.quot;
quot;Maybe she is a beggar girl,quot; said one of the n. quot;Look at her clothes. She is one of those children who ride the fliy rafts to beg for ney.quot;
I was filled with terror. Maybe this was true. I had turned into a beggar girl, lost without faly.
quot;Anh! Dont you hae eyes?quot; said the won crossly. quot;Look at her skin, too pale. And her feet, the botto are soft.quot;
quot;Put her on the shore, then,quot; said the n. quot;If she truly has a faly, they will look for her there.quot;
quot;Such a night!quot; sighed another n. quot;Always soone falling in on holiday nights. Drunkes and little children. Lucky she didnt dro;quot; They chatted like this, bad forth, ing slowly toward shore. One n pushed the boat with a long baoo pole and we glided between other boats. When we reached the dock, the n who had fished out of the water lifted out of the boat with his fishy-slling hands.
quot;Be careful i, little sister,quot; called the won as their boat glided away.
On the dock, with the bright on behind , I once again saw shadow. It was shorter this ti, shrunken and wild-looking. We ran together oer to so bushes along a walkway and hid. In this hiding pce I;u９９lｉｂ?;/ugtuld hear people talking as they walked by. uld hear frogs and crickets. And then—flutes and tinkling cyals, a sounding gong and dru!
I looked through the branches of the bushes and in front uld see a crowd of people and, aboe the a stage holding up the on. A young n burst out frothe side of a stage and told the crowd, quot;And now the Moon Lady will e and tell her sad tale to you, in a shadow py, cssically sung.quot;
The Moon Lady! I thought, and the ery sound of those gic words de fet troubles. I heard re cyals and gongs and then a shadow of a peared against the on. Her hair was undone and she was bing it. She began to speak. Such a sweet, wailing oice!
quot;My fate and  enance,quot; she began to nt, pulling her long fihrough her hair, quot;to lie here on the on, while husband lies on the sun. So that each day and eaight, we pass each other, neer seeing one another, ecept this one eening, the night of the d-autu on.quot;
The oed closer. The Moon Lady plucked her lute and began her singing tale.
Oher side of the on I saw the silhouette of a n appear. The Moon Lady held her ar out to erace hiquot;O! Hou Yi, husband, Master Archer of the Skies!quot; she sang. But her husband did not seeto notice her. He was gazing at the sky. And as the sky grew brighter, his uth began to open wide—in horror or delight, uld not tell.
The Moon Lady clutched her throat and fell into a heap, g, quot;The drought of ten suns in the eastern sky!quot; And just as she sang this, the Master Archer pointed his gic arrows and shot down nine suns which burst open with blood. quot;Sinking into a siering sea!quot; she sang happily, and uld hear these suns sizzling and crag ih.
And now a fairy—the Queen Mother of the Western Skies!—was flying toward the Master Archer. She opened a bo and held up a glowing ball—no, not a baby sun but a gic peach, the peach of eersting life! uld see the Moon Lady pretending to be busy with her eroidery, but she was watg her husband. She saw hihide the pea a bo. And then the Master Archer raised his bow and owed to fast for oo show he had the patieo lie foreer. And after he ran off, the Moon Lady wasted not o to find the pead eat it!
As soon as she tasted it, she began to rise, then fly—not like the Queen Mother—but like a dragonfly with broken wings. quot;Flung frothis earth by own wantonness!quot; she cried just as her husband dashed bae, shouting, quot;Thief! Life-stealing wife!quot; He picked up his bow, aid an arrow at his wife and—with the rulings of a gong, the sky went bck.
Wyah! Wyah! The sad lute sic began again as the sky oage lightened. And there stood the poor dy against a on as bright as the sun. Her hair was now so long it swept the floor, wiping up her tears. Ay had passed since she st saw her husband, for this was her fate: to stay lost on the on, foreer seeking her own selfish wishes.
quot;For won is yin,quot; she cried sadly, quot;the darkness within, where untepered passions lie. And n is yang, bright truth lighting our nds.quot;
At the end of her singing tale, I was g, shaking with despair. Een though I did not uand her eory, I uood her grief. In one sll nt, we had both lost the world, and there was no way to get it back.
A gong sounded, and the Moon Lady bowed her head and looked sereo the side. The crowd cpped igorously. And now the sa young n as before ca out oage and announced, quot;Wait, eerybody! The Moon Lady has seo grant o wish to each person here….quot; The crowd stirred with et, people rring in high oices. quot;For a sll ary donation…quot; tihe young n. And the crowd ughed and groahen began to disperse. The young n shouted, quot;A once-a-year opportunity!quot; But nobody was listening to hi ecept shadow and in the bushes.
quot;I hae a wish! I hae one!quot; I shouted as I ran forward in bare feet. But the young n paid no attention to and walked off the stage. I kept running toward the on to tell the Moon Lady what I wanted, because now I knew what wish was. I darted fast as a lizard behind the stage, to the other side of the on.
I saw her, standing still for just a nt. She was beautiful, abze with the light froa dozen kerosene s. And then she shook her long shadowy tresses and began to walk doweps.
quot;I hae a wish,quot; I said in a whisper, and still she did not hear . So I walked closer yet, until uld see the face of the Moon Lady: shrunken cheeks, a broad oily nose, rge grih, aained eyes. A face so tired that she wearily pulled off her hair, her long gown fell froher shoulders. And as the secret wish fell fro lips, the Moon Lady looked at and beca a n.
For ny years, uld not reer what I wahat night frothe Moon Lady, or how it was that I was found again by faly. Both of these things seed an illusion to , a wish grahauld not be trusted. And so een though I was fouhat night after Ah, Baba, Uncle, and the others shouted for along the waterway—I neer belieed faly found the sa girl.
And thehe years, I fot the rest of what happehat day: the pitiful story the Moon Lady sang, the pailion boat, the bird with the ring on its neck, the tiny flowers bloong on sleee, the burning of the Fie Eils.
But now that I aold, ing eery year closer to the end of life, I also feel closer to the beginning. And I reer eerything that happehat day because it has happened ny tis in life. The sa irust, alessness, the wonder, fear, and loneliness. How I lost self.
I reer all these things. And tonight, on the fifteenth day of the eighth on, I also reer what I asked the Moon Lady so long ago. I wished to be found.
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