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AS a single n, I hae spent a good deal of ti in noting down the infirties of Married People, to yself for those superior pleasures, which they tell I hae lost by reining as I a
I ot say that the quarrels of n and their wies eer de any great iression upon , or had ch tendency tthen in those anti-social resolutions, which I took up long ago upon re substantial siderations. What ofte offends at the houses of rried persons where I isit, is an error of quite a different description; -- it is that they are too loing.
Not too loiher: that does not epin aning. Besides, why should that offehe ery act of separating theeles frothe rest of the world, to hae the fuller enjoynt of each others society, ilies that they prefer one ao all the world.
But what I pin of is, that they carry this preference so undisguisedly, they perk it up in the faces of us single people so shalessly, you ot be in their pany a nt without beio feel, by so i hint or open aowal, that you are not the object of this preferenow there are so things which gie no offence, while ilied or taken franted rely; but epressed, there is ch offen the If a o st the first holy-featured or pin-dressed young won of his acquaintance, and tell her bluntly, that she was not handso h for hi and huld not rry her, he would desere to be kicked for his ill nners; yet no less is ilied in the fact, that haing aess and opportunity of putting the question to her, he has neer yet thought fit to do it. The young won uands this as clearly as if it were put into words; but no reasonable young won would think of king this the ground of a quarrel. Just as little right hae a rrieuple to tell by speeches, and looks that are scarce less pin than speeches, that I anot the happy n,the dys choice. It is enough that I know I anot: I do not want this perpetual rending.
The dispy of superior knowledge or riches y be de suffitly rtifying; but these adt of a palliatie. The knowledge which is brought out to insu , y actally iroe ; and in the ris houses and pictures, -- his parks and gardens, I hae a teorary usufruct at least. But the dispy of rried happiness has none of these palliaties: it is throughout pure, unrepensed, unqualified insu.
Marriage by its best title is a nopoly, and not of the least inidious sort. It is the ing of st possessors of any eclusie priilege to keep their adantage as ch out of sight as possible, that their less faoured neighbours, seeing little of the be, y the less be disposed to question the right. But these rried nopolists thrust the st obnoious part of their patent into our faces.
Nothing is to re distasteful than that entire pd satisfa which beaienances of a new-rrieuple, -- in that of the dy particurly: it tells you, that her lot is disposed of in this world: that you hae no hopes of her. It is true, I hae none; nor wishes either, perhaps: but this is one of those truths which ought, as I said before, to be taken franted, not epressed.
The ecessie airs which bbr;/abbrthose people gie theeles, founded on the ignorance of us unrried people, would be re offensie if they were less irrational. We will allow theto uand the steries belonging to their own craft better than we who hae not had the happio be de free of the pany: but their arrogance is not tent within these lits. If a single persoo offer his opinion in their presehough upo indifferent subject, he is iediately silenced as an i person. Nay, a young rried dy of acquaintance, who, the best of the Jest was, had not ged her dition aboe a fht before, in a question on which I had the sfortuo differ froher, respeg the properest de of breeding oysters for the Londo, had the assurao ask with a sneer, how su old Bachelor as uld pretend to know any thing about such tters.
But what I hae spoken of hitherto is nothing to the airs which these creatures gie theeles when they e, as they generally do, to hae children. When I sider how little of a rarity children are, -- that eery street and blind alley swar with the -- that the poorest people only hae thein st abundance, -- that there are few rriages that are not blest with at least one of these bargains, -- how ofteurn out ill, a the fond hopes of their parents, taking to iciouurses, whid iy, disgrace, the gallows, c. -- I ot for life tell what cause for pride there  ossibly be in haing the If they were young phoenies, ihat were born but one in a year, there ght be a pretet. But when they are so on -
I do not adert to the i rit which they assu with their husbands on these oasions. Let thelook to that. But ho are not their natural-born subjects, should be epected t our spices, rrh, and inse, -- our tribute and hoge of adration, -- I do not see.
quot;Like as the arrows in the hand of the giant, een so are the young children:quot; so says the ecellent offi our Prayer-book appointed for the churg of won. quot;Happy is the n that hath his quier full of thequot; So say I; but then do hidischarge his quier upon us that are onless ; -- let thebe arrows, but not to gall and stick us. I hae generally obsered that these arrows are double-headed: they hae two forks, to be sure to hit with one or the other. As for instance, when you e into a house which is full of children, if you happen to take no notice of the(you are thinking of sothing else, perhaps, and turn a deaf ear to their i caresses), you are set down as untractable, rose, a hater of children. Oher hand, if you find there than usually engaging,if you are taken with their pretty nners, a about in earo ro and py with the so pretet or other is sure to be found for sending theout of the roo they are too noisy or boisterous, or Mr. -- does not like children. With one or other of these forks the arrow is sure to hit you.
uld fie their jealousy, and dispeh toying with their brats, if it gies theany pain; but I think it unreasoo be called upon to loe the where I see no oasion, -- to loe a whole faly, perhaps, eight, nine, or ten, indiscrio loe all the pretty dears, because children are so engaging.
I know there is a proerb, quot;Loe , loe dog:quot; that is not always so ery practicable, particurly if the dog be set upon you to tease you or snap at you in sport. But a dog or a lesser thing -- any inanite substance, as a keep-sake, a watch or a ring, a tree, or the pce where arted when frie aon a long absence, I ke shift to loe, because I loe hi and any thing that rends of hi proided it be in its nature indifferent, and apt to receie whateer hue fanbsp; gie it. But children hae a real character and an essential being of theeles: they are aable or unaable per se; I st loe or hate theas I see cause for either in their qualities. A childs nature is too serious a thing to adt of its being regarded as a re appeo another being, and to be loed or hated aly: they stand with upon their own stock, as ch as n and won do. O! but you will say, sure it is an attractie age, there is sothing iender years of infancy that of itself char us. That is the ery reason why I are nice about the I know that a sweet child is the sweetest thing in nature, not eeing the delicate creatures which bear the but the prettier the kind of a thing is, the re desirable it is that it should be pretty of its kind. One daisy differs not ch froanother in glory; but a iolet should look and sll the dai. -- I was always rather squeash in won and children.
But this is not the worst: o be adtted into their faliarity at least, before they  in of iion. It ilies isits, and so kind of inturse. But if the husband be a n with whoyou hae lied on a friendly footing befe,if you did not e in on the wifes side, -- if you did not sneak into the house irain, but were an old friend in fast habits of inticy before theiurtship was so ch as thought on, -- look about you -- your tenure is precarious -- before a t;big;/bigwele-nth shall roll oer your head, you shall find your old friend gradually grool and aered towards you, and at st seek opportunities of breaking with you. I hae scarce a rried friend of acquaintance, upon whose firfaith I rely, whose friendship did he period of his rriage. With so litations they ehat: but that the good n should hae dared to enter into a sole league of friendship in which they were not sued, though it happened before they knew hi -- before they that are now are n and wife eer t, -- this is intolerable to the Eery long friendship, eery old authentiticy, st he brought into their office to be aed with their currency, as a sn Prince calls in the good old hat was ed in sn before he was born or thought of, to be new rked and nted with the sta of his authority, before he will let it pass current in the world. You y guess what luck generally befalls such a rusty pieetal as I ain these ings.
Innurable are the ways which they take to insu and woryou out of their husbands fidence. Laughing at all you say with a kind of wonder, as if you were a queer kind of fellow that said good things, but an oddity, is one of the ways -- they hae a particur kind of stare for the purpose -- till at st the husband, who used to defer to your judgnt, and would pass oer so ecresces of uanding and nner for the sake of a gen;bdi;/bdieral ein of obseration (not quite ulgar) which he perceied in you, begins to suspect whether you are not aogether a hurist, -- a fellow well enough to hae sorted with in his bachelor days, but not quite so proper to be introduced to dies. This y be called the staring way; and is that which has ofte been put in practice against .
Then there is the eaggerating way, or the way of irony: that is, where they find you an object of especial regard with their husband, who is not so easily to be shaken frothe sting attat founded oeewhich he has ceied towards you; by neer-qualified eaggerations to cry up all that you say or do, till the good n, who uands well enough that it is all done in plint to hi grows weary of the debt of gratitude which is due to so ch dor, and by reg a little on his part, and taking doeg or two in his enthusias sinks at length to that kindly leel of derate estee -- that quot;det affe and pt kindnessquot; towards you, where she herself join in syathy with hiwithout ch stretd ioleo her siy.
Another way (for the ways they hae to aplish so desirable a purpose are infinite) is, with a kind of i silicity, tinually to stake what it was which first de their husband fond of you. If aeefor sothing ecellent in your ral character was that which rieted the which she is to break, upon any iginary dery of a want of poignan your ersation, she will cry, quot;I thought, dear, you described your friend, Mr. -- as a great wit.quot; If, oher hand, it was for so supposed charin your ersation that he first grew to like you, and was tent for this to oerlook so trifling irregurities in your ral deportnt, upon the first notice of any of these she as readily eci, quot;This, dear, is yood Mr. ----.quot; One good dy whoI took the liberty of epostuting with for not showing quite so ch respect as I thought due to her husbands old friend, had the dour to fess to that she had often heard Mr. -- - speak of befe, and that she had ceied a great desire to be acquainted with , but that the sight of had ery ch disappointed her epectations; for froher husbands representations of , she had ford a notion that she was to see a fiall, officer-like looking n (I use her ery words); the ery reerse of which proed to be the truth. This was did; and I had the ciility not to ask her iurn, how she ca to pitch upon a standard of personal aplishnts for her husbands friends which differed so ch frohis own; for friends dinsions as near as possible approite to ne; he standing fie feet fie in his shoes, in which I hae the adantage of hiby about half an inch; and he no .ore than self ehibiting any indications of a rtial character in his air or tenance.
These are so of the rtifications which I hae entered in the absurd attet to isit at their houses. To ee theall would be a ain endeaour: I shall therefore just g the ery propriety of which rried dies are guiy, of treating us as if we were their husbands, and ice ersa -- . I an, when they use us with faliarity, and their husbands with y. Testacea, for instance, kept the ht two or three hours beyond usual ti of supping, while she was fretting because Mr. -- did not e ho, till the oysters were all spoiled, rather than she would he guiy of the ioliteness of toug one in his;tt?t absehis was reersing the point of good nners: for y is an iion to take off the uneasy feeling which we derie froknowing ourseles to be less the object of loe aeewith a fellow-creature than so other person is. It endeaors to ke up by superior attentions in little points, for that inidious preference which it is forced to deny in the greater. Had Testacea kept the oysters bae, and withstood her husbands iortuo go to supper, she would hae acted a to the strict rules of propriety. I know no y that dies are bound to obsere to their husbands, beyond the point of a dest behaiour aherefore I st protest against the icarious gluttony of Cerasia, who at her own table sent away a dish of Morels, which I lying to with great good will, to her husband at the other end of the table, and reended a pte of less etraordinary goose- berries to unwedded pate in their stead. her I ecuse the wanton affront of -
But I aweary of stringing up all rried acquaintance by Ron denonations. Let theand aheir nners, or I prose to rd the full-length English of their o the terror of all such desperate offenders in future.
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